no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
