im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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