We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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