so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
