I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
