Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
