Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
