I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
