first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
