i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
