I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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