we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
