i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
