Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
