You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
