Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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