You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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