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3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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