They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
