My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
