Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
