fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
