do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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