I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
