Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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