So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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