I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
