i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
