Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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