Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
