i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
