dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
