his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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