I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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