This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
