Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
