Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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