People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
