he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
