i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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