Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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