If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
