Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
