I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
