I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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