we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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