so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
