Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
