My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
