Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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