You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
