Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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