Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
