just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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